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| 9th Grade |
I have been friends with the same group of girls for over half my life. I met most of them when I was in 7th grade while we were all awkwardly trying (and failing) to find out who we were. We went through puberty together. We went through first kisses and first loves together. We comforted each other's broken hearts and celebrated the milestones. These women were some of the first to hold my babies. They stayed by my side when young motherhood threatened my sanity. My husband is friends with their husbands; my kids are friends with their kids. I know that this kind of friendship is rare and I an eternally grateful for these women and their presence in my life. It's strange to me to think that I could be a completely different person had I not make these vital connections all those years ago.
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| 12th Grade |
During our trip to New England last fall, I was talking to a women about our new calling while visiting Banner Hill Church. She asked me what I was most afraid of regarding our move. While I have a list of things that cause me mild trepidation, having to make new friends is at the top of the list. I quickly realized that I don't know how to make friends. I haven't had to do it in about 20 years. I'm not talking about acquaintances or those people you know from work. I'm talking about the friends that know EVERYTHING about you. The friends that don't feel the need to entertain me when I'm at their house. The kind of friends who come with a sense of comfort that can only be found in those you have known through the ups and downs of life. Finding this kind of friendship requires a level of transparency and vulnerability that do not come easily for me... or any woman that I know.
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| 2007 |
After talking with this woman for a little while, she stopped me and recommended a book called
Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover. That night I downloaded the book to my kindle and immediately felt that Christine was inside my head and knew exactly how I felt. Christine Hoover is the wife of a pastor who also moved their family across the country to plant a church. While I am not a pastor's wife, the struggles that Christine went through gave me an insider view of my future. She explained that when we are children, friendship comes easily mostly because we were forced to spend time with the same people day after day, month after month and year after year. We were in school together, we were in the same after school activities and had the same first jobs. We didn't have to work as hard to make friendships as we do as adults, they just came naturally.
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| 2011 |
As adults, we are busy. We are wives, moms, co-workers, volunteers and home makers. When the day is done, it takes everything in us to do the dishes after dinner and the kids in bed before we crash into our beds (or binge in front of Netflix with the hubby). Then we have to wake up and do it all over again. No one has any energy to put in the effort that is required to cultivate friendship. Adult friendships are HARD. They take work. Sometimes we expect our friendships to be as effortless as they were when our moms drove us to play dates on weekends. The problem with this is that many women go through adulthood with little to no true friends. We are lonely and living an isolated. This not what God had in mind for us when he created us. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 it says, "
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble". God designed us to live in communities of like minded people who can help us succeed in life. God knows that the devil like to strike when we are alone with no one to rally behind us on the spiritual battlefield.
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| 2014 |
Moving to Framingham, away from all my current friendships, will definitely cause some personal growth. I have prepared myself for some lonely days and possibly some tears during this transition. I have also prepared myself to WORK on making new friendships. I will open my front door and invite my neighbors into my kitchen and introduce them to Texas BBQ even when there are dishes in the sink and laundry on the couch. I will make dinner for a couple for church and not worry that my cooking isn't good enough. I will invite people into my messiness of my life. I've come to realize that while my friendships in Framingham will be different and will take time and effort to develop, they certainly won't be less important or less life changing. I believe that God has already prepared the friendships that I will need once we arrive in Framingham.
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