God has been teaching me a BIG lesson over the last couple weeks. It all started when Izzy took the stage for her very first dance solo at competition. She woke up confident, rested, and prepared for what she had to do. She had worked hard for 6 months leading up to this one moment and she was ready to set the stage on fire for God! I kissed her for good luck, then I went and sat in the audience as my baby girl walked, by herself, into the spotlight and faced the judges. I could no longer help her. All I could do was watch. Watch and pray!
The music started and I watched her face light up! She was in her element. She was worshiping God through dancing and it was AMAZING to watch. Then, it happened... She fell. She fell on a skill that she had done countless times before with no problem. I sat there and watched as the confidence drained from her face, but being the competitor that she is, she got up, smiled at the judges and continued her dance. Then, I realized that in the midst of her fall, she had forgotten her choreography. She forgot the steps that she has had memorized for 6 months. And then, because the enemy doesn't stop attacking after one fall, she fell again towards the end of her dance. When Satan sees someone doing BIG things for the Kingdom of God, he hits them hard. He wasn't backing down... he was trying everything he could to bring her down.
My heart was breaking for my sweet girl. I sat in the audience and watched her struggle. I wanted to run up on stage and tell her that it was going to be ok. I wanted to hug her. I wanted her to know that she was doing a great job and that I was proud of her. I wanted to make excuses for her. I wanted to tell the judges that it was early in the morning and she was tired, or ask them to be lenient on her since it was her first competition. Instead, I sat frozen in my chair, tears flowing down my face, surrounded by other dance moms who felt my heartache with me.
So where in all this is my lesson? Through this experience, God has made it clear that one day, Izzy will have to stand alone, before her ultimate Judge, without me. I can make sure she is prepared for her Christian walk, I can teach her what I know, and I can surround her with like-minded people. I can make sure she has the best teachers, pastors, and friends, but eventually she WILL fall. She WILL stumble. She WILL forget what she has learned. In Acts 14 we are reminded that "through MANY hardships, we must enter the Kingdom of God". Not some, not a few, but MANY. It's guaranteed in our Christian walk that WILL fall, stumble and forget our way.
What I'm learning is that I cannot help her in these moments. I cannot make excuses for her or comfort her. I can pray for her and encourage her. I can cheer her on from the sideline, but she has to do it alone. On that final day, when she steps into the spotlight at the pearly gates and stands before our supreme Judge, I cannot hold her hand. God will not want to hear my excuses. He will not ask me if she was prepared or if she practiced her faith. She will stand alone and answer to Him alone. I can only watch from the audience, praying for her while surrounded by other mama's whose daughters are next.
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